Thank You Mom

When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows.
You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.

When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming.
You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.

When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her car.
You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, she was expecting an important call.
You thanked her by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation.
You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you.
You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.
You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.

And then, one day, she quietly died.

Here's to being a good daughter or son , and an even better mother.

Another Day in Paradise

I thought I was done with Detroit bashing, but one of my clients in NYC sent me this today and it's just So. Damn. Funny.

The Onion. What would we do without it?

Sexual Healing

I get lots of spam.

(So does everyone, I realize.) And while I have a filter, I do go through my "bulk" items one by one to see what's what. Very often there are messages from clients in there, so I can't just unilaterally delete all incoming.

Lately the sneaky spammers have really stepped up their approach--I'm onto the "Confirmation of your order" or "re: Hello" crap, but the no subject line versions screw me up. Just might be that client whose name I'm not familiar with, y'know, and not, as it is with increasing frequency, a new product to elongate my member. I have to check it, just in case.

In doing so, I've learned quite a lot. Like why Brandy is hot. Or that there are singles and couples right here in my little town who like to get jiggy with it regardless of my gender or marital status. Or even that there are tools available to me that will withstand the most violent abuse and still perform to my full delight, satisfaction guaranteed. The doors, they are wide open!

If I ever need a product, service or relationship discovered from my bulk folder I hope those of you who know me (and those that don't) will lovingly and immediately shoot me in the head.