The Write Stuff

When it comes right down to it, there are a really just a few mind-blowing, life-changing moments in your life. For me they came in pithy, memorable little phrases bursting with impact: “Your mother and I are getting a divorce”, “Will you marry me?”, “You realize there are two babies in there, right?” and, more recently, “It’s cancer.”

It’s funny how the words themselves take on a nuance of sentimentality—the positive ones as much as the crappy ones. You realize that those words will stay with you for the rest of your life, and you’ll remember inane details about your surroundings or a tone of voice or what you were wearing when you heard them. Not facts like say, the date maybe. Because, really, when your dad’s leaving or you’re going to fly to Vegas to elope, do you really care what day it is?

My friend Kathy used to use the word nebulous fairly often. I thought that was the coolest thing…nebulous. One of those words that makes you listen more closely to the person speaking. Who doesn’t want that?

There are other, far more common words that are on my favorites list. Chocolate, for obvious reasons. Empathy. Idyllic. Mama. I also love schandenfreude (once someone explains that word to you once, you see it a hundred times in a week and wonder where it was your whole life.) And if I’m being honest, f#ck is right up there.

Words can elicit emotion and inspire actions. They can wage wars. Break hearts. Open possibilities.

Words can also be elusive. I remember random things like a friend’s phone number from fourth grade, but I can’t remember her name. Donna something, I think. I had a hell of a time coming up with the word “speakers” when I was talking to my kids about turning down the volume a couple of days ago. My mom always did that. She sputtered the words in a cascade of related, yet painfully frustrating and incomplete prattle. “Jen, get me the…the…the… red stuff. That you squirt. From a bottle. You know.”

Um, ketchup?

We wrote it off as early Alzheimer’s at the time, but since she’s been doing it for 30 years I have to believe it’s a personality thing. That I apparently inherited. Yay.

Words take on greater importance when someone describes you, often differently than you would describe yourself. “Really? You think I’m effervescent? Huh!” (Which is far superior to, “Really? You think I’m loud? Humph.”)

I make my living by using words in all the right places, in the right ways, to communicate the right messages. They’re pretty important to me. But words are just words. They aren’t actions, they aren’t proof and they don’t count unless they’re backed up. Words have value, but they aren’t the last call. They can’t fix things when they’re broken and they can’t be unsaid. So, like people, words have limits and should be chosen carefully. I’m going to work on choosing the very best ones and avoiding the worst. If I fail, at least you’ll be able to use the whole schandenfreude thing to your advantage.