Signals

In the past few days, I've had several weird things happen to me.

First, there was the young 20-something guy who took my credit card at the Outback Steakhouse carry-out who called me "Sweetheart" with a distinct, come hither-like smile.

Then, the garbage men beeped at me while I was unloading my groceries. Twice--once on the way up my street, and then again on their way back down.

yes, ew. But, y'know, not totally unprecedented in my younger days.

The topper, though, was the newly divorced dad from preschool asking me to meet him for a cup of coffee...something I tried to write off as loneliness at first, but jacked up to creeped out after the second request.

Being me, I figured the Outback kid was just fishing for a nice tip. Of course I gave him a huge one, but that's beside the point.

I assumed the garbage men were simply pointing out something to me--like I dropped a can of soup out of the grocery bag, maybe. But then they pointed to something else on their 2nd drive-by. Something in the lap vicinity.

The divorced dad's intentions are definitely still questionable. Probably innocent. Probably definitely. I'm sure, really. Mostly.

But it all adds up to me feeling doubly self-conscious--instead of flattering, I find this confusing. Don't they know I've been eating Halloween candy? And that I spend my days with small people? Can that possibly be attractive? Or is this what I've become---a sympathy catcall?

On a recent blog I read, someone posed the suggestion that 40-year-old women should hook up with 20-year-old men exclusively. The writer's thought was that it would be killing several birds with one stone, given that these two groups are looking for exactly the same thing (noncommittal, hot sex in their prime). Sound logic. But I still don't know how that would work. I mean, what do garbage men really expect in return for that kind of attention?

A coy wave? Heartfelt thanks? A quickie on the neighborhood route?

It's all too pathetic.