Who Can It Be Now

It's amazing how a life event can trigger an entire identity crisis.


I didn't even dawn on me right away, but I've come to realize that my recent self-examination and introspective "taking the reigns" approach has all come about because of one simple event: my impending high school reunion.


You always hear about how much people hated high school---the terrible angst and stories of self-consciousness and heartache. Or, how it was the "ultimate, best time of life" from people who, well, sadly never really get past it.

I fall somewhere in between. I think of it as the four most pivotal years of my life. I had my share of angst and heartache, no doubt. But the friendships I developed and the experiences we had were the basis for, indeed, some of the very best moments in my life.

That's not to say that I'm one of those loser types that reminisces about it all ad nauseam. I simply believe each stage of your life contributes something to your personality, and to who you've become.

And as I anticipate going back to reacquaint with old friends and share this person I've become, it occurs to me that I'm not who I hoped I would be. Or, rather, that my life isn't what I'd hoped it would be.

I want to walk up to someone and share my enthusiasm with them in full Jen-Style. But "Why, I'm doing GREAT, thanks! And you?" will ring false even to my own ears.

The alternative, real-life answer ("Kids are awesome. But I'm miserable and lonely and stressed and wading through a sea of shit right now, how 'bout yourself?") somehow doesn't seem like it would make for good party chat.

So I'm going to do what any healthy mid-lifer would do--superficially cover up my true existence by wearing a pretty dress, getting my hair done, and drinking and gossiping and dancing until I can't remember what was bothering me in the first place.

Now that I put it that way, I'm in for one hell of a good time. Can't wait!